


wonderful life

by sodun



Series: i love to make my characters suffer [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mourning, Reminiscing, Sad, just very emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:37:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7115749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodun/pseuds/sodun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What a wonderful life<br/>For as long as you've been at my side<br/>And I want you to know<br/>I'll miss you so</p><p>----</p><p>Carl mourns the loss of his boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wonderful life

**Author's Note:**

> Emo to the Extremo  
> based off the song wonderful life by alter bridge

****_Close your eyes and just hear me sing_  
One last long good bye  
One last song before you spread your wings  
There's so much left to say  
And before this moment slips away 

"Good morning," the boy whispered, taking his usual seat in the green grass, feeling the droplets of early morning dew soak into his jeans. "Sorry I didn't come yesterday. Dad wouldn't let me. Said I needed to stop doing this and move on. It's funny, even though it's been over two months, I don't feel like I've moved on at all."

****_What a wonderful life_  
For as long as you've been at my side  
And I want you to know  
I loved you so 

Playing with a tuft of grass that had been missed last time it was mowed, the boy shuddered, allowing a sigh to escape his lungs. "It's so weird without you here. None of us are the same anymore. Enid doesn't ramble on like she used to at lunch, she just stares at the spot you always sat with tears in her eyes. Mikey is even more awkward without you around to be his wingman. I don't see Sam at school anymore. I go see him once or twice a week, and he's so sad, Ron. He's lost without you. We all are."

****_The cold night calls_  
And the tears fall like rain  
It's so hard letting go  
Of the one thing I'll never replace  
And soon you will be gone  
But these words they will live on 

"I remember the first time you ever talked to me. I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, and you came and sat next to me. You turned to me with your mouth open, like you were gonna say something, but you just stared. Eventually you smiled, telling me that you just got lost in my eyes. I can't even count how many times that happened since, you being in the middle of a sentence and turning to look at me and then just going silent. I always thought it was cute. That was 9 months ago, did you know that? You were, you are so cute. I miss when you would come over after school, and Judith would run over to you and you'd pick her up and she'd tell you all about what her and Michonne did that day, and you would listen and nod and laugh while you made us tea and held her against your side with one arm. She doesn't even understand, you know? Every day when I come home, she asks me, 'where's Ron? Where's Ronnie?'. I tell her you aren't here and she pouts and runs off, but she still waits for you each day. I think you would've been a great father, a great husband."

****_What a wonderful life_  
For as long as you've been at my side  
And I want you to know  
I'll miss you so  
And though our days come to an end  
Know I'll never love like this again  
What a wonderful life  
My friend 

"I talk to your mom when I see Sam. She is so broken, Ron. She can't believe she let Pete treat you that way for so long. She knows he's the reason you did it. We all do, everyone but him. He made me cry yesterday, when I went to see Sam. Kept calling me the fag who killed his son. Can you believe that? He thinks _I_ killed you," Whispered the teen, wiping the lone tear that fell from his cheek. "It's not fair. It's not fair that you were treated that way. It's not fair that you thought the only way out was to kill yourself. I was mad at first, I couldn't believe you'd been so selfish and left us all. But I think I understand now. You wanted it all to end, right? You didn't do it because it would hurt us, you did it because you needed to. God, it hurts to say that."

****_And all that I am you let me be_  
I will remember you  
For all that you've done  
And given to me  
Oh love will remain  
This I concede  
Now and forever more  
Because of you now I believe  
I believe 

"What if I had called a few minutes earlier? Would you still be here? Alive and well? Could I have talked you out of it, could I have saved you?" A few more tears silently made their way down his cheek, and he just let them fall. "I need you here, Ron. Life's not the same without you. I've hardly slept these past 2 months because all I can see when I close my eyes is you. I've hardly been able to eat, focus, talk to people, anything. I thought about joining you. Killing myself and meeting you in the afterlife. But I don't think that's what you would want, right? I hope it isn't."

__**What a wonderful life  
** For as long as you've been at my side  
And I want you know  
I loved you so  
What a wonderful life  
For as long as you've been at my side  
And I want you to know  
I'll miss you so 

"I fell in love with you in the short nine months you were in my life. I fell for your stupid puns, your cute laugh, your love for talking about the universe and aliens, the way you held me at night, how you treated your mom, Sam, and even your dad after what he put your through. I fell in love with your strength, how you made it through so much in life. I fell in love with your eyes, and how they always told me just how you were feeling even if your mouth wouldn't. I fell in love with your good heart. I fell in love with everything there was to love about you. I wish I had the guts to tell you sooner, tell you to your face, rather than to a gravestone."

****_And though our days come to an end_  
Know I'll never love like this again  
What a wonderful life [x4]  
And with one last embrace  
As the tears fall like rain you're gone  
And with one last goodbye  
As you fade out tonight you're gone. 

"I told you all this today because I think my dad was right. I think it's time for me to try and move on. I'm clinging onto you, but why? Probably because you were my first everything. My first kiss, first boyfriend, first lover, the first person I ever fell in love with. I'm so grateful I had those experiences with you. I wouldn't trade our time together for anything in the world, except maybe to have you alive again. But that- that can't happen. So.. I need to move on. Ron, I will never, ever forget you. Don't think that's what I'm trying to do. I'll always hold onto our memories, I'll always cherish them, but our time together is over, and I need to keep going with my life. I hope, one day, I'll see you again. And maybe somewhere down the road I'll come back to say hi. But for now.. Goodbye, Ron. I will always, always love you." 

After pressing a kiss to the soft grass in front of him, Carl stood and brushed off his jeans. He took one last, long look at the gravestone, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly in a small smile. Ron was free, and Carl decided he could live with that.


End file.
